Category: Faith

Walking Backwards

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Walking Backwards….

(Went to a friend/mentor/neighbor’s memorial service last weekend.  Saw people we hadn’t seen for maybe thirty years or more, among many others.  So many conversations to have and not nearly enough time…)

The voices had so much to say

Of days gone by…of prayers prayed.

One friend who had learned 

She would never be alone-

God’s spirit was real – her heart had found home..

Another spoke of songs we had written

(Which I had forgotten)….

I’d known her since she was a child.

(We shared parts of a dark history)…

Another remembered with gratitude

songs I had written that our church had sung.

So many different stages of life and faith

Different places lived, different paths followed…

Strange to go back

Delightful to see old friends,

To see kids I’d’ known and loved,

See their kids all grown…

Memory lane is real.

Don’t quite know what to feel.

Grateful for my friend and her amazing, large, faith-filled life.

My life is small, but evidently, from what I hear

From these old  friends, listening

And doing small things with kindness matters

We are all loved.

May 4, 2024

Thoughts on seeing God…

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I love listening to the stories of some of the wonderful people who have been here in this church and community for 50+ years. What a wealth of memory and relationship! So many stories of God’s faithfulness in all kinds of situations…some of you have been blessed with this amazing continuity of God’s grace….I am grateful for you.

My dad had that – his dad helped build the church he grew up and went to for 75 years before it closed. I have bounced around a bit and we have had the immense privilege of being parts of several different churches and communities – from house churches to a 1300+ member megachurch.

We got an old record digitized recently that a friend had taken my dad’s dad to make. Hearing the grandpa I never met singing “the love of God’ in his heavily accented German voice made me cry – that is what was important to this immigrant farmer who came to America hoping for a better life. The God who made oceans and mountains and skies and seas and rocks and trees and weeds …. Creator God made humans and loved them. It reminded me of our friend Bob Wieneke, who also loved the old hymns.

A friend who taught at SPU asked me to come and speak to a small group of his students (very surprising) about missional theology. I’m still not sure what that is, but I went and told stories about the people we had met working with refugees as they were resettled here in the Seattle area, helping to process payments that supported relief teams that helped provide for the needs of the internally displaced in Burma. A mother who said she was so proud of her oldest daughter who had always remembered to take her blanket with her when they had to hide from the bombs…a friend who started a church in her living room…. In the end, David expressed it for me – “your theology is defined by the people you have known following Jesus in all kinds of circumstances”. Yep! That’s it. I’m a boring person with some really interesting friends.

My girls, when they were little, asked me “how do you see God?” And the answer I was given for them was “you see God in His people, that’s where He’s found.”

Lord, you know there’s times I’ve tried to run but now I come
To give you thanks for all you’ve done
I don’t know. How it is I couldn’t see before
That the hands that were reaching out to me were yours.
I guess that sometimes pride gets in the way-
We turn aside to try to hide the pain.
So much is lost I know you gave your life to gain –
So I come to give thanks in your name…..

When my little girls ask how to see you –
How can they really know that you’re around
You’ve given me an answer I can share with them –
They can see you in your people – that’s where you’re found!

Thank you Lord for all you’ve done
You gave me friends that helped me live again
There kindness and there mercy were like water to the thirsty
I’ve seen you in my friends and I thank you Lord.

(The song was was written 40 years ago, but the thoughts about my current church and community are fresh).

Walking through the Fire

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When I’m walking through the fire, He’s by my side.
When I’m walking through the fire, He is my guide.
Though I cannot see the way, secure in Him I’ll stay.
When I’m walking through the fire, He is there.

Three good men of old were cast into the fire.
They were not burned though the flames grew ever higher.
The Son of God was with them in the midst.
Knowing that, I put my trust in this….

Daniel in the lion’s den was cast.
God shut their mouths—His angels held them fast.
God kept him through the night. He saw the morning’s light
And God was honored ‘cause He brought Daniel through.

Elijah stood for God before Baal’s men.
God proved Himself the Lord by fire then.
Baal’s prophets did scream and shout
But Elijah’s prayer brought God out.
When God’s fire fell, to Him their hearts were turned.

(Daniel 3, Daniel 6, and I Kings 18)

Nov. 13, 1988 12:25 a.m.

Years ago, I wrote this when I first discovered a suspicious lump….scary, but turned out OK. Other lumps have not been OK. First Inflammatory Breast Cancer, and now bladder cancer. It seems like a small thing, this little problem, when the world is on fire and innocent people are being slaughtered in so many places – Gaza, Burma, Congo, Ukraine and many more…. It all seems kind of flowery and theoretical to say “God is with you” to someone who just had their family crushed under a falling building…I can’t figure that out. How God is good and the world is SOOO bad in places.

Broken Ways

Teresa Norman1 Comment

Creator God, Giver of life
You see how we struggle-
Create hardship and strife,
We lash out in our anger
Breaking hearts as we go
Feeling wise when we’re foolish
Thinking You don’t see or know…

Our broken ways separate us,
Draw walls around our hearts
We think we’ve reached the ending
When You long to give a new start
Forgive us, God, we need You-
(We are not so wise at all!)

We think we have the answers
But on our faces we fall
Help us learn to listen to you!
Let Your Spirit speak words on the wind
Let the seeds of truth be planted
Make our hearts good ground again.

You’ve pulled the weeds so lovingly
(Although there still was pain)
As we clung to the things that hurt us
And refused to let you in
Help those whose pain is hidden
In the darkness of their fears
Give them hope that You are listening
When they’re alone and think no one hears.

Come, Great Holy Spirit, breathe life
Into these bones that feel broken and dried
Bring order, redemption, salvation
To this barren place within us –
Oh God, be glorified.

6/19/2023

Picking a Tombstone

Teresa Norman1 Comment

This is a weird way to spend a day -trying to decide what kind of tombstone to purchase for my friend. She had been estranged from her blood relations for quite a few years, but had many friends in her community. An amazing person, in some ways, and a bit of a cactus in others….

For some reason she trusted me to be her “executor” although there wasn’t much to execute. One of our other friends who still lived in her community was the resident angel who. visited her regularly in the nursing home and cared for her lovingly, consistently and with great dignity and grace. She is an angel.

So, my job is to select a tombstone and get the ashes from the cremation company and have her ashes buried and the tombstone installed next to her husband’s spot. But, for some reason, I keep putting this off. I don’t know what to say on this marker. I have the dates she was born and died, and her name, but I don’t feel like I know her enough to make the final statement on her tombstone. She was a deeply religious person (Christian faith), and talked often of heaven being her real home and of her Father there who loved her and would welcome her. Her life had been lacking a lot in the loving and welcoming part….she lost her mother when she was young. Our friend, the angel, shared how touching it was to see the nurses caring for her in such intimate ways and how she softened as she soaked up the kindness and love she found in this not so deluxe nursing home. She became gentler with people….there are gifts even in the dark places.

I guess what I will say on the tombstone will be her name, and the dates of her earthly existence, and that she is forever loved….

Who Is He?

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Who is He who calms the wind and sea?

Yet gently calms raging storms in me?

Who is He who opens eyes once blind?

Yet made birds and animals of every kind?

Who is He who walks on the water?

Yet calls us friends, sons and daughters?

Who is He who wept for His friend?

Then with a word, gave Him life again.

Though He existed before time began

He saw me, loved me as my life began

Who is this one who redeemed my life?

My Savior, my Shepherd, Jesus Christ.

May 2021

Psalm of the Slug

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Sitting around , heart on the ground

Feeling like kind of a slug

Wondering if life would have been better

If I had been born as a bug…

No choices to make-just chances to take

And runnning the risk of being a lunch

For something to munch

And not really having much say.

It’s not that much different-this being a human

It’s all just a matter of size.

So this human slug with the hope of a bug

Sure doesn’t feel very wise…..

Letting Go (poem)

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Letting go of what’s behind,
Embracing what’s ahead,
Going through the changes
As I feel I have been led.

Accepting possibilities
To learn and trust and grow.
Believing when I ask His will
He’ll give me grace to know.

Grasping for serenity
And fragile peace of mind
Praying for the power
To do what I may find.

I make now this commitment
(which I know won’t be the last
for it is but a stepping stone
along this winding path)
So now that I have given it
My all, my very best,
I have to LET IT GO
And trust in Him to do the rest.

August 28, 1988

Lazarus (poem)

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In the Mending the Soul group I was in, the chapter we were on was on deadness – how abuse deadens your soul and how God wants to help you get out of that …. I was like – if I knew how to do this different, I would have done it by now!

Then, one night I dreamed of a coffin laying in the yard with a lid off as we tried to move on. Wondering who died. Had to make a decision what to do with this. Wanted to leave it but knew I couldn’t finish moving until I dealt with the body in the box.

3/14/2020
Lazarus, what was it like for you?
You’d been with the Master, knew what He could do….
Did you feel abandoned when He let you die
Instead of coming to save your life?
(Did you cry?)

Your sisters wept in anguish
They hated to see you go-
You were all friends with Jesus-
(Or at least you thought so….)
(Why was He so slow?

Your friends bound you with grave clothes
And wept at your tomb
Comforted your sisters
While you lay in darkness, alone

He came when you’d been dead four days-
(Martha said that you would smell)
He didn’t hold back –this was nothing new….
(He knows broken people so well).

He came and he wept
Told your friends, “Roll back the stone”
He called you out into His light.
Said, “Unbind him and let him go.”

How did you feel when you saw His face?
Did it matter how long it had been?
Or were you just grateful to out of the tomb
To be able to live again?

Reclaimed

Teresa Norman3 Comments

I searched for buried treasure,
Looked for pearls far and wide
But came up empty handed
With longing deep inside

My eyes could see but not understand
My ears heard clamor and noise
My broken heart was distracted
By the world and all its toys

Until one day the Good Shepherd
Reclaimed this wandering lamb.
Now I am redeemed,
Bought back from destruction
Held safe in His loving hands.

The Day the Bullies Won

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I cried November 4, 2016.
Some of my friends laughed at me –
They said, “It’s just an election,”
“He’s only the president.”
“God is still really in control.”

But I have seen bullies win before —
Ones not any different than this one –
(Just less powerful)
Bullies who say “I thought you liked it.”
Or maybe, “You asked for it.”
Or, “If you tell, no one will ever believe you.”

Today’s bully wants to “make America great”
But this bully doesn’t understand greatness.
Greatness is not small minded and mean.
Greatness is kind to all (not just to those he deems worthy).
It refuses to be petty and mean when success comes to someone else.
Greatness does not continually lie about its achievements,
Does not over inflate its own importance.
Greatness does not traffic in shame and disrespect,
It does not demand its own honor at all costs,
As a result dishonoring those who serve with honor.
Greatness finds no delight in continually doing wrong.
It is not afraid of truth.

Someone truly great knows how to serve others, not just himself.

62 days til the election…..

God have mercy on us!

My Cup of Sorrow

Teresa Norman2 Comments

Dreamed tonight of my cup of sorrow–
Sitting in a garden on a stone table, moonlight reflecting off its surface.
Jesus said it was time to deal with the cup –
I tried to argue saying, “No, right now this cup is too full.
I can’t drink from this without it spilling all over…”
But the Man of Sorrows had seen each sorrow when it came into my life.
He walked with me into the garden as together, we approached the cup….
When I was an innocent child and the monsters came-it was not my fault
He too was hated and rejected by people (Is 53:3)
When they told me never to speak of it again-and I locked myself in silence, gave up my voice
He too was beaten down and punished but he didn’t say a word. (IS 53:7)
When I was raped at school and went home feeling violated and alone
He was wounded for this wrong (Is 53:5)
When others dumped their shame on me, saying “If something bad happened, you deserved it.”
People would not even look at him either (Is 53:3)
When they said I was worthless and everyone I loved would abandon me
He was hated and we didn’t even notice him either (Is 53:3)
When I found the nest of snakes and memories came back of being covered with them
He was wounded and crushed for this evil (Is 53:5)
When I could not carry Dad’s depression for him and wanted to die from the weight of it
He took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us (Is 53:4)
When those I loved suffered and I could not protect them from
We are being healed because of his wounds. (Is 53:5)

April 2020

Songs that help:
Under My Feet-Zach Williams
The Hidden Face of God-Michael Card …
The Suffering Symbol-Michael Card
Arise My Love-Michael Card

How Do You Forgive A Ghost? (Poem)

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How do you forgive a ghost, a monster, a memory?
They have no name – just the devastation they left in their path–
Like an oozy-sticky-gooey sucking trail of toxic waste
It still runs down the mountain like volcanic lava
Burning generations left in its wake…
How do you stop it?

One of my childhood monsters reappeared in a dream
when my children were young.
He said, “You can’t protect them from me.”
I was afraid, but I thought surely this was from the Liar –
The monster I knew was gone –
Fled the country.
Surely those I loved were out of his reach.

But monsters can reach through time,
Slipping under the radar like stealth bombers
Sneaking in to drop their payload
in the depth of a starless night.
I cannot control other people’s actions.
I can only seek recovery and lay down the fear.

How do I forgive a monster?
(Or am I the monster I need to forgive?)
Each generation seeks an answer.
For those who follow us
We’ve got to make this end.

April 27, 2020

Shadow’s Song (Poem)

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Little girl, quiet and shy,
Afraid of the secrets
That are buried inside.
She’s got lots of questions
But no one to ask
How she can be free at last.

But in the arms of Jesus
She is finally free
To tell her story
And be believed.
He gives her His comfort,
She can rest in His care.
God’s loved little lamb
Is protected there.

In the still of the nighttime
She cries in her room
As the memories close in-
Make her heart like a tomb.
Here brutal oppressors
Once had their way,
But Christ the Good Shepherd
Is her comfort today.

Singer and Shepherd,
Savior and Lord-
What some came to steal
He has come to restore.
With tender compassion
A broken heart mends.
Where once lived despair,
There is laughter again.

1993

On the sea of doubt….(reposted poem)

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My boat seems very little, Lord,
And the waves are very high.
The clouds are moving crazy fast
In an ominous looking  sky.

Can’t find a sheltering harbor
In this sea of constant change.
Holding course by years spent knowing
My anchor is in Your name.

So many life transitions
Swirling in this sea of doubt…
Do You have some new directions?
How are things supposed to work out?

Will valuable things be strengthened
Or is meaningful service done?
You know our hearts
You know Your plans….
Lord, let Your kingdom come.

12/10/09