At the end of your life, what’s gonna matter? I had quite a few hours to think about that one yesterday as I sat by my Mom’s bedside and held her hand, tried to keep her calm, and listened to her talk. Her monologue made more sense than usual-was less combative and demanding, occasionally, even kind. My sister-in-law commented on the different than usual theme in Mom’s monologue: yesterday, Mom seemed to value her family. It’s not always like that, so for us, it was a gift. She was able to admit wanting to die, and being scared. Up close and personal real emotions, not the things she would normally have expressed. She was grateful for a hand to hold, and to not be alone.
Today, she’s still hanging in there. Doctors say it could get better slowly or worse quickly. So for today, I’ll be grateful for being present for that one day when it seemed she was present too, being able to be there for her.