Tag: Poetry

How Can I Help My Mom?

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A heartbreaking question

From a precious child

Who is carrying burdens too heavy to hold…

“Dad says Mom’s schizophrenic?”

(What does that mean)? 

She says she hears voices….

(She said she blames me).

If she didn’t have kids

She’d be happy and free

But since she has us

She’s got misery….”

I did what I could

To help her understand….

These are GROWN UP PROBLEMS

Meant for Mom and Dad’s hands.

We talked about people who have other things wrong

And take medication to keep going strong….

Said doctors can help if mom and dad try

To get get help for the problem and not just hide.

You didn’t cause it

And you can’t fix it….

You’re not gonna catch it.

Just keep being YOU!

How can I help her

So she’ll understand?

IT’S NOT HER FAULT!

(God, hold them all in Your hands!)

June 2024

Walking Backwards

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Walking Backwards….

(Went to a friend/mentor/neighbor’s memorial service last weekend.  Saw people we hadn’t seen for maybe thirty years or more, among many others.  So many conversations to have and not nearly enough time…)

The voices had so much to say

Of days gone by…of prayers prayed.

One friend who had learned 

She would never be alone-

God’s spirit was real – her heart had found home..

Another spoke of songs we had written

(Which I had forgotten)….

I’d known her since she was a child.

(We shared parts of a dark history)…

Another remembered with gratitude

songs I had written that our church had sung.

So many different stages of life and faith

Different places lived, different paths followed…

Strange to go back

Delightful to see old friends,

To see kids I’d’ known and loved,

See their kids all grown…

Memory lane is real.

Don’t quite know what to feel.

Grateful for my friend and her amazing, large, faith-filled life.

My life is small, but evidently, from what I hear

From these old  friends, listening

And doing small things with kindness matters

We are all loved.

May 4, 2024

INSOMNIAC

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INSOMNIAC

In the night when things are quiet

My brain decides to start a riot

No enemy to battle, so it fights with me

And my imagination is cut loose, dangerously free!

Worries pop up like mushrooms in manure 

The fence is unlocked – my mind runs off to wander

Unsupervised, troublemaking – we’ll wait and see

How much trouble this adventure is gonna cause me.

What will go wrong? Complications are frequent

In this surgery hurtling at me like a 2000 lb. bomb…

Can I be tough, stay positive, will I fold or stay strong?

Only God knows (and as usual, He’s not telling).

Things will be better when this is all done

“Cause there’s nothing new anywhere under the sun

I have no control of what will happen

Just show up to get fixed ‘cause I’m obviously broken.

Cancer sucks.  It isn’t fair.  

I wish it was gone but it’s still here.  

But I am so blessed to be where I am, 

in a world where there’s help

(And I’m loved by this man who doesn’t give up).

So many people go through this stuff alone

But I am loved and grateful 

Even though I’m navigating through this thick, damp fog

Even though I can’t see it, I’m gonna believe

I’m in the hands of a loving God.

January 6, 2023

5 days before a pretty extensive  cancer surgery….

God, I’m trying to be reasonable, but…

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A thief has come creeping in the silence of night
To steal serenity, vitality and maybe my life.
I thought I could deal with this new situation
But my mind is imploding with great consternation.

He wasn’t invited, he has no real claim
So I’ll try asking him to leave in Jesus name.
I’ve met his cousin years ago – his name – breast cancer
But chemo and grace made him go.

I know I’m not righteous, that I don’t deserve
God’s blessing, protection, or any good thing
But I’ve come to trust that He’s good and kind-
(Until Job, world news and genocide come to mind).

Job didn’t deserve it, but he lost everything
Because God and the Liar played a game.
Job and his family suffered for a challenge from evil?
Is God really good? The world doesn’t look the same.
I believe, help my unbelief.

October 15, 2023

(On 10/6/23, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and on 10/17, had the first surgery)

Tapestry

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Our lives are as a tapestry

He weaves the threads so knowingly.

We don’t always understand

‘Cause we don’t see the Master’s plan.

We walk together yet alone-

The load each carries is his own

(Although sometimes we share the joy and pain).

Others have walked before us 

On this road we’re traveling on.

By learning from their stories

We can see what makes you strong!

They left us Steps to follow

To a better way to live.

They shared what they were given-

Now we’ve got something to give!

When they look into our eyes

And see His love (they’re not despised)-

Their human pain and brokenness we share.

Our lives a portrait that He weaves,

His grace together we receive.

Together is much better than alone!

Even when the road looks long

And the mountains hard to climb,

If we’re walking with our brother

There’s a strength that we can find!

It’s the strength that comes from giving away

The grace we’re given today

And sharing our lives

In a fellowship of friends.

(written and sung for my friend’s funeral in 2000, I think)

Joy Comes In the Morning

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Joy Comes in the Morning

He died on a cold November day, probably in 1975.
I hadn’t known him long. He was the father of a friend
And he took all 22 of us living in the house
Into his bear-hugged size embrace.

Some of them, he was related to.
I was just a bonus one he threw in
(maybe because I seemed so lost).
Anyway, he thought I was worth loving.

The loss hit me hard. I felt more alone.
It wasn’t like I was going to see him again
Since I had already moved out of the group…
But knowing someone loved me mattered a lot.

When I came home after the funeral,
I took my guitar and my big black leather King James Bible
And went upstairs looking for some comfort.
The house empty – no one to hear me weeping from my guts).

I think I may have been searching for verses about weeping…
Psalms 30:5 came to mind – “weeping may endure for a night,
but joy cometh in the morning…” and the lines “the Lord is my strength and my song, my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. Therefore, my heart greatly rejoices and with my song will I praise Him: (not sure where those lines are from but they came with music).

Then, another song, this one partly from Psalms 126.5-6: “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goes forth weeping bearing precious seed will doubtless come again with rejoicing bringing his sheaves with him.”

I’d never written a song before, but out of the grief and lament, God gave me two new songs. This was the start. Sowed in tears, reaped in joy-wrote a lot of songs over the next few years….

Darkness, Darkness

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Darkness, darkness, land of shadows
Oh my heart is full of you
Grace and mercy, God’s compassion
Is hidden from my narrow view.
I have failed again, again I’ve failed you
Failed myself and those I love.
Why keep trying? I keep on failing.
Why even ask what I should do?

Your loving kindness hidden by my blindness
I’m insensitive and dull of heart
Will I never learn to hear You,
God of Light who darkness cannot hide….
Failures again, failures before
No easy solutions – I hear judgement roar.
Though your heart does not condemn me,
Guilt and shame and unbelief pierce me through
This wounded warrior falls to her knees before you.

But though the shadows in the valley
Are so dark I can’t see
I know in faith, with His rod and staff
My Shepherd comes to comfort me.
With lovingkindness He reaches down
And lifts this lost sheep from the ground
The One who holds me in HIs arms
Can save the ones I love from harm.

(Written 7/15/2021…it’s hard to watch your children struggle, whether they are little kids, teens or grownups. I will always wish I had done more, done it better, done it sooner…seems like parenting sets you up to always have to cry out to God….)

What Time I Am Afraid….

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What time I am afraid, I will trust in You…
But, Lord, I am afraid all the time, all of this time,
Right here, right now, today.
Every breath, every whisper, every whimper…
Always, fear is continually whispering in my ears –
“You are not strong enough to do this,
There is no solution…You are going to die.
You haven’t done enough to let them know
how much you love them…
Worse, you haven’t showed then how much I love them!”

God, how could it ever be enough!
One lifetime is not enough
To surround them with songs and prayers
And laughter and shared tears
And hopes and meals and hugs
And celebrations – in joy and in sorrows
Celebrating new pets and grieving the ones we lost…

From Choo Choo train obsessed toddler
To a kind, helpful, capable young man
From shy guy observing everything
To happy fisherman, getting Big Bob set up
From little enthusiasts singer even before she had words,
To helping lead her school in Christmas songs
From stealthy little acquisition planner
To kind puppy loving snuggler…
Their mammas and papas…loved so much and so good at loving
They are good humans…

But it’s not enough time….
God, I need more.
Please, God give me more.

12/10/23

(Even though I am only Stage II, it’s impossible not to think about recurrence (my cancer has a 70%. chance of coming back) and the horrors of the next surgery coming up. I hear the voice of my 4 year old grandson as he took his grandpa’s hand years ago and led him upstair to “fight dinosaurs”- “Be Brave, Baboo”. I will borrow his line and try to be brave over the next few months…grandmas can be brave too. This poem was written on a pretty unhinged over the top depressed overwhelmed day.

Falling

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Leaves falling

Bombs falling

Buildings falling

Bodies falling

Babies crying

Children dying

Grandmas dying

Flags are waving

Voices raising

Hateful words

Dehumanizing

Words that tear

Accuse and rend

We do it and do it

And do it and do it

Although we said 

“NEVER AGAIN!!”

Palestinians love their children

Israelis love their children too

Politicians love to make speeches

But can’t ever decide what to do

Oh God, oh God, oh God!!!!!

This nightmare never ends….

We kill our neighbor, they kill us too

When you said

Loving is what we must do….

10/7/2023

God, I’m trying to be reasonable, but….!

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A thief has come creeping in the silence of night
To steal serenity, vitality and maybe my life.
I thought I could deal with this new situation
But my mind is imploding with great consternation.

He wasn’t invited, he has no real claim
So I’ll try asking him to leave in Jesus name.
I’ve met his cousin years ago – his name – breast cancer
But chemo and grace made him go.

I know I’m not righteous, that I don’t deserve
God’s blessing, protection, or any good thing
But I’ve come to trust that He’s good and kind-
(Until Job, world news and genocide come to mind).

Job didn’t deserve it, but he lost everything
Because God and the Liar played a game.
Job and his family suffered for a challenge from evil?
Is God really good? The world doesn’t look the same.
I believe, help my unbelief.

Broken Ways

Teresa Norman1 Comment

Creator God, Giver of life
You see how we struggle-
Create hardship and strife,
We lash out in our anger
Breaking hearts as we go
Feeling wise when we’re foolish
Thinking You don’t see or know…

Our broken ways separate us,
Draw walls around our hearts
We think we’ve reached the ending
When You long to give a new start
Forgive us, God, we need You-
(We are not so wise at all!)

We think we have the answers
But on our faces we fall
Help us learn to listen to you!
Let Your Spirit speak words on the wind
Let the seeds of truth be planted
Make our hearts good ground again.

You’ve pulled the weeds so lovingly
(Although there still was pain)
As we clung to the things that hurt us
And refused to let you in
Help those whose pain is hidden
In the darkness of their fears
Give them hope that You are listening
When they’re alone and think no one hears.

Come, Great Holy Spirit, breathe life
Into these bones that feel broken and dried
Bring order, redemption, salvation
To this barren place within us –
Oh God, be glorified.

6/19/2023

Porpoise Without A Purpose

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Wild fish, swimming freely, gracefully, quickly…
Unrestrained by civilization’s rules and expectations…
Time suspended…in his element.
Free to swim, free to jump, free to glide –
Free to experience life on the wild ocean.
No farm raised fish, not this one!
No carefully domesticated trained seal.
This one is made of frontier material –
Made for up where the northern lights shine,
The air is pure, the salmon abundant
And life is not in a cage.
How to revert to the wild?
How to become himself again?
God, give him direction.
You know.

Teresa Norman July 2007

Making Peace with My Body

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My disordered, divergent mind
Has been calmed, restored and refined
But to live in my body is new
I have not really liked this view
The temple God filled with his grace
Was abused and degraded, defaced
The next thing on the list of to do’s
Is to learn to love it like You do
To give it the sleep that it needs
To give food that is fuel to live free
Father, forgive what I’ve done
Help me honor you, live in your love

April 2023

Wind from Heaven

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Lord, we are scattered, tribal and confused
We shout aloud and louder trying to be heard
It’s as if we are speaking a different language
And no one is listening -we wound each other…
It bears no good fruit. We wonder what went wrong –
Why can’t the “other guy” just know we are right….

But your Word gives us hope –
At Pentecost, you sent your spirit
Those gathered heard a loud noise, like a wind from heaven.
Tongues of fire rested on their heads
You touched them and then
They spoke language your spirit gave-
Language understood by those gathered from every nation…
The people marveled that they could understand

Our words, our actions, our Christian cultural thing –
It’s so foreign to so many…are they “lost” or are we?
People of every nation listened to the words of God
In language they could understand because the Spirit came…
God, breathe on us,
Wind from heaven
Fill our mouths with words
that will be understood by those who listen…
Pour out your spirit on every nation
Help your sons and daughters speak your word…
Breathe on us, wind from heaven.

Give us strength to walk the good road with you
Release us from our broken, twisted ways.
Give us humility to learn from and hear one another.
To see the beauty in the variety of humans you have made.
Together we meet at the foot of your cross
Together we take the bread and wine and remember who you are
Why you came…we remember you.

Teresa Norman 6/7/2022

Dear Southern Baptist Leadership…

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It is with almost unspeakable grief that I read the report of how you, like SO many other church leaders, have covered up the abuse of women and children and made excuses for the abusers.

The destructive power of intimidating those who try to tell of what happened to them and how their lives are impacted appears to be beyond your comprehension.

Let me try to help you out on this…

Years ago, I wrote a collection of poems sharing what child abuse looks like from the child’s perspective. While the circumstances/details of each person’s abuse are different, these glimpses into abuse through a child’s eyes have helped some people see a little bit more. The view gets SO clouded and SO dark when it is clergy who abused you. I know, because the youth group leader in my church was a serial molester. He started with his owns sisters as a young man and graduated to the “sheep” he was supposed to “shepherd.” Here is a sample of the poems:

Child of Mind

Look, you child rapist, what did you mean
When you made that saintly sick little scene?

In your nice blue suit, oh SO “righteously”
You sang in “tribute” of your mom’s memory.

The church was full of people you knew,
But oh, you fraud! if they only knew you!!

Instead of your smiling religious face
They’d watch you roast and twist In Hot disgrace.

Perhaps your victims would cut off your….
And nail them up to a handy wall….

We’d get revenge for what you’ve done
In the “name of God” – (May His Kingdom come!).

We’d shout your secrets nice and loud –
Tell what you did and broadcast how
In the name of “love” and a “Shepherd’s concern”
You screwed your sheep, each one by turn.

And those who needed God’s love could find
A pastoral pervert to mess up their minds.

You hypocrite!! I wish you knew
Just what it was you put us through!

We paid a price for believing your lies.
Most of us still live and hope you die
Slowly!

************************************************************

For more poems “From the Child”. please see fromthechild.wordpress.com