Category: cancer

God, I’m trying to be reasonable, but…

Teresa NormanLeave a comment

A thief has come creeping in the silence of night
To steal serenity, vitality and maybe my life.
I thought I could deal with this new situation
But my mind is imploding with great consternation.

He wasn’t invited, he has no real claim
So I’ll try asking him to leave in Jesus name.
I’ve met his cousin years ago – his name – breast cancer
But chemo and grace made him go.

I know I’m not righteous, that I don’t deserve
God’s blessing, protection, or any good thing
But I’ve come to trust that He’s good and kind-
(Until Job, world news and genocide come to mind).

Job didn’t deserve it, but he lost everything
Because God and the Liar played a game.
Job and his family suffered for a challenge from evil?
Is God really good? The world doesn’t look the same.
I believe, help my unbelief.

October 15, 2023

(On 10/6/23, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and on 10/17, had the first surgery)

What Time I Am Afraid….

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What time I am afraid, I will trust in You…
But, Lord, I am afraid all the time, all of this time,
Right here, right now, today.
Every breath, every whisper, every whimper…
Always, fear is continually whispering in my ears –
“You are not strong enough to do this,
There is no solution…You are going to die.
You haven’t done enough to let them know
how much you love them…
Worse, you haven’t showed then how much I love them!”

God, how could it ever be enough!
One lifetime is not enough
To surround them with songs and prayers
And laughter and shared tears
And hopes and meals and hugs
And celebrations – in joy and in sorrows
Celebrating new pets and grieving the ones we lost…

From Choo Choo train obsessed toddler
To a kind, helpful, capable young man
From shy guy observing everything
To happy fisherman, getting Big Bob set up
From little enthusiasts singer even before she had words,
To helping lead her school in Christmas songs
From stealthy little acquisition planner
To kind puppy loving snuggler…
Their mammas and papas…loved so much and so good at loving
They are good humans…

But it’s not enough time….
God, I need more.
Please, God give me more.

12/10/23

(Even though I am only Stage II, it’s impossible not to think about recurrence (my cancer has a 70%. chance of coming back) and the horrors of the next surgery coming up. I hear the voice of my 4 year old grandson as he took his grandpa’s hand years ago and led him upstair to “fight dinosaurs”- “Be Brave, Baboo”. I will borrow his line and try to be brave over the next few months…grandmas can be brave too. This poem was written on a pretty unhinged over the top depressed overwhelmed day.

How can i describe what it’s like to be loved so well it takes your breath away?

Teresa NormanLeave a comment

Forty-five years ago, a manly looking fisherman with sunburned nose, blond streaked hair, kind eyes that twinkled said hello to this rather shy woman sitting in the grass writing poetry….

Over the next few months, he chose a life of faith and I found out how how his face could hold such soft delight as he held his best friend’s little newborn son….that’s when I fell in love.

He had kind eyes-kindness is such a gift…I met his mentor (an older weathered fisherman) who was also there when he was baptized…

I didn’t know men could strong and kind until I met him.  I prayed…I waited to see if our paths would converge…

Six months later,  we got married.   Now after 45 years, 3 kids and 4 grandkids…(and two young women who adopted us as grandparents) I am grateful beyond measure.

We are going through our second journey of me having aggressive cancer.  This is hard, but we are going through it together. He doesn’t quit even when the storm is intense.  He is amazing .  

He is everything I hoped he would be and so much more than he can even understand (sometimes he is too humble). All I ever wanted in my life is exactly what I have-it’s not about stuff!!!! It’s about loving God,  Rich, 🐶, and the rest of my people.

This woman is grateful. 

(When I was in hospital for Thanksgiving and emergency surgery last week, one of the young nurses said, “I love the way he looks at you,” after my husband left.  I told her we’d been married 45 years and she asked how that was possible.  The only answer I had, was to look for someone kind )

Post Hospital Reflection  11/26/23

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I don’t know what to think, to say or admit this all is real-

I’m scared and overwhelmed by how this cancer makes me feel. There’s nothing simple happening here-

snap the fingers and it’s gone-

God, I’ve got to lean on you to help me be strong.

I know I’m blessed to live here with a husband I adore 

(so many folks don’t have that gift or a family. from whom love pours). 

So God, please help me with the tiredness, confusion and fear and with my hand in Your hand walk in the pastures you’ve prepared. 

Help me listen to the birds you made, hear their gentle songs of praise. Let me lie here looking at the stars-see your majesty displayed! 

Let me hear the movement of the stream upon the rocks that cry out Your name. 

Like these rocks, oh God, help my heart to give You endless  praise. I know You won’t forget me-

You have brought us safe this far. 

Watch over my lambs, and let them know You’re with them wherever they are. 

I’m grateful but I’m grieving all the losses that I see, 

But I know that I know that I know that I know-

You have not forgotten me.

Walking through the Fire

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When I’m walking through the fire, He’s by my side.
When I’m walking through the fire, He is my guide.
Though I cannot see the way, secure in Him I’ll stay.
When I’m walking through the fire, He is there.

Three good men of old were cast into the fire.
They were not burned though the flames grew ever higher.
The Son of God was with them in the midst.
Knowing that, I put my trust in this….

Daniel in the lion’s den was cast.
God shut their mouths—His angels held them fast.
God kept him through the night. He saw the morning’s light
And God was honored ‘cause He brought Daniel through.

Elijah stood for God before Baal’s men.
God proved Himself the Lord by fire then.
Baal’s prophets did scream and shout
But Elijah’s prayer brought God out.
When God’s fire fell, to Him their hearts were turned.

(Daniel 3, Daniel 6, and I Kings 18)

Nov. 13, 1988 12:25 a.m.

Years ago, I wrote this when I first discovered a suspicious lump….scary, but turned out OK. Other lumps have not been OK. First Inflammatory Breast Cancer, and now bladder cancer. It seems like a small thing, this little problem, when the world is on fire and innocent people are being slaughtered in so many places – Gaza, Burma, Congo, Ukraine and many more…. It all seems kind of flowery and theoretical to say “God is with you” to someone who just had their family crushed under a falling building…I can’t figure that out. How God is good and the world is SOOO bad in places.

God, I’m trying to be reasonable, but….!

Teresa NormanLeave a comment

A thief has come creeping in the silence of night
To steal serenity, vitality and maybe my life.
I thought I could deal with this new situation
But my mind is imploding with great consternation.

He wasn’t invited, he has no real claim
So I’ll try asking him to leave in Jesus name.
I’ve met his cousin years ago – his name – breast cancer
But chemo and grace made him go.

I know I’m not righteous, that I don’t deserve
God’s blessing, protection, or any good thing
But I’ve come to trust that He’s good and kind-
(Until Job, world news and genocide come to mind).

Job didn’t deserve it, but he lost everything
Because God and the Liar played a game.
Job and his family suffered for a challenge from evil?
Is God really good? The world doesn’t look the same.
I believe, help my unbelief.