Category: Poetry

How Can I Help My Mom?

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A heartbreaking question

From a precious child

Who is carrying burdens too heavy to hold…

“Dad says Mom’s schizophrenic?”

(What does that mean)? 

She says she hears voices….

(She said she blames me).

If she didn’t have kids

She’d be happy and free

But since she has us

She’s got misery….”

I did what I could

To help her understand….

These are GROWN UP PROBLEMS

Meant for Mom and Dad’s hands.

We talked about people who have other things wrong

And take medication to keep going strong….

Said doctors can help if mom and dad try

To get get help for the problem and not just hide.

You didn’t cause it

And you can’t fix it….

You’re not gonna catch it.

Just keep being YOU!

How can I help her

So she’ll understand?

IT’S NOT HER FAULT!

(God, hold them all in Your hands!)

June 2024

Walking Backwards

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Walking Backwards….

(Went to a friend/mentor/neighbor’s memorial service last weekend.  Saw people we hadn’t seen for maybe thirty years or more, among many others.  So many conversations to have and not nearly enough time…)

The voices had so much to say

Of days gone by…of prayers prayed.

One friend who had learned 

She would never be alone-

God’s spirit was real – her heart had found home..

Another spoke of songs we had written

(Which I had forgotten)….

I’d known her since she was a child.

(We shared parts of a dark history)…

Another remembered with gratitude

songs I had written that our church had sung.

So many different stages of life and faith

Different places lived, different paths followed…

Strange to go back

Delightful to see old friends,

To see kids I’d’ known and loved,

See their kids all grown…

Memory lane is real.

Don’t quite know what to feel.

Grateful for my friend and her amazing, large, faith-filled life.

My life is small, but evidently, from what I hear

From these old  friends, listening

And doing small things with kindness matters

We are all loved.

May 4, 2024

God, I’m trying to be reasonable, but…

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A thief has come creeping in the silence of night
To steal serenity, vitality and maybe my life.
I thought I could deal with this new situation
But my mind is imploding with great consternation.

He wasn’t invited, he has no real claim
So I’ll try asking him to leave in Jesus name.
I’ve met his cousin years ago – his name – breast cancer
But chemo and grace made him go.

I know I’m not righteous, that I don’t deserve
God’s blessing, protection, or any good thing
But I’ve come to trust that He’s good and kind-
(Until Job, world news and genocide come to mind).

Job didn’t deserve it, but he lost everything
Because God and the Liar played a game.
Job and his family suffered for a challenge from evil?
Is God really good? The world doesn’t look the same.
I believe, help my unbelief.

October 15, 2023

(On 10/6/23, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and on 10/17, had the first surgery)

Tapestry

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Our lives are as a tapestry

He weaves the threads so knowingly.

We don’t always understand

‘Cause we don’t see the Master’s plan.

We walk together yet alone-

The load each carries is his own

(Although sometimes we share the joy and pain).

Others have walked before us 

On this road we’re traveling on.

By learning from their stories

We can see what makes you strong!

They left us Steps to follow

To a better way to live.

They shared what they were given-

Now we’ve got something to give!

When they look into our eyes

And see His love (they’re not despised)-

Their human pain and brokenness we share.

Our lives a portrait that He weaves,

His grace together we receive.

Together is much better than alone!

Even when the road looks long

And the mountains hard to climb,

If we’re walking with our brother

There’s a strength that we can find!

It’s the strength that comes from giving away

The grace we’re given today

And sharing our lives

In a fellowship of friends.

(written and sung for my friend’s funeral in 2000, I think)

Darkness, Darkness

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Darkness, darkness, land of shadows
Oh my heart is full of you
Grace and mercy, God’s compassion
Is hidden from my narrow view.
I have failed again, again I’ve failed you
Failed myself and those I love.
Why keep trying? I keep on failing.
Why even ask what I should do?

Your loving kindness hidden by my blindness
I’m insensitive and dull of heart
Will I never learn to hear You,
God of Light who darkness cannot hide….
Failures again, failures before
No easy solutions – I hear judgement roar.
Though your heart does not condemn me,
Guilt and shame and unbelief pierce me through
This wounded warrior falls to her knees before you.

But though the shadows in the valley
Are so dark I can’t see
I know in faith, with His rod and staff
My Shepherd comes to comfort me.
With lovingkindness He reaches down
And lifts this lost sheep from the ground
The One who holds me in HIs arms
Can save the ones I love from harm.

(Written 7/15/2021…it’s hard to watch your children struggle, whether they are little kids, teens or grownups. I will always wish I had done more, done it better, done it sooner…seems like parenting sets you up to always have to cry out to God….)

What Time I Am Afraid….

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What time I am afraid, I will trust in You…
But, Lord, I am afraid all the time, all of this time,
Right here, right now, today.
Every breath, every whisper, every whimper…
Always, fear is continually whispering in my ears –
“You are not strong enough to do this,
There is no solution…You are going to die.
You haven’t done enough to let them know
how much you love them…
Worse, you haven’t showed then how much I love them!”

God, how could it ever be enough!
One lifetime is not enough
To surround them with songs and prayers
And laughter and shared tears
And hopes and meals and hugs
And celebrations – in joy and in sorrows
Celebrating new pets and grieving the ones we lost…

From Choo Choo train obsessed toddler
To a kind, helpful, capable young man
From shy guy observing everything
To happy fisherman, getting Big Bob set up
From little enthusiasts singer even before she had words,
To helping lead her school in Christmas songs
From stealthy little acquisition planner
To kind puppy loving snuggler…
Their mammas and papas…loved so much and so good at loving
They are good humans…

But it’s not enough time….
God, I need more.
Please, God give me more.

12/10/23

(Even though I am only Stage II, it’s impossible not to think about recurrence (my cancer has a 70%. chance of coming back) and the horrors of the next surgery coming up. I hear the voice of my 4 year old grandson as he took his grandpa’s hand years ago and led him upstair to “fight dinosaurs”- “Be Brave, Baboo”. I will borrow his line and try to be brave over the next few months…grandmas can be brave too. This poem was written on a pretty unhinged over the top depressed overwhelmed day.

Falling

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Leaves falling

Bombs falling

Buildings falling

Bodies falling

Babies crying

Children dying

Grandmas dying

Flags are waving

Voices raising

Hateful words

Dehumanizing

Words that tear

Accuse and rend

We do it and do it

And do it and do it

Although we said 

“NEVER AGAIN!!”

Palestinians love their children

Israelis love their children too

Politicians love to make speeches

But can’t ever decide what to do

Oh God, oh God, oh God!!!!!

This nightmare never ends….

We kill our neighbor, they kill us too

When you said

Loving is what we must do….

10/7/2023

Post Hospital Reflection  11/26/23

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I don’t know what to think, to say or admit this all is real-

I’m scared and overwhelmed by how this cancer makes me feel. There’s nothing simple happening here-

snap the fingers and it’s gone-

God, I’ve got to lean on you to help me be strong.

I know I’m blessed to live here with a husband I adore 

(so many folks don’t have that gift or a family. from whom love pours). 

So God, please help me with the tiredness, confusion and fear and with my hand in Your hand walk in the pastures you’ve prepared. 

Help me listen to the birds you made, hear their gentle songs of praise. Let me lie here looking at the stars-see your majesty displayed! 

Let me hear the movement of the stream upon the rocks that cry out Your name. 

Like these rocks, oh God, help my heart to give You endless  praise. I know You won’t forget me-

You have brought us safe this far. 

Watch over my lambs, and let them know You’re with them wherever they are. 

I’m grateful but I’m grieving all the losses that I see, 

But I know that I know that I know that I know-

You have not forgotten me.

Walking through the Fire

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When I’m walking through the fire, He’s by my side.
When I’m walking through the fire, He is my guide.
Though I cannot see the way, secure in Him I’ll stay.
When I’m walking through the fire, He is there.

Three good men of old were cast into the fire.
They were not burned though the flames grew ever higher.
The Son of God was with them in the midst.
Knowing that, I put my trust in this….

Daniel in the lion’s den was cast.
God shut their mouths—His angels held them fast.
God kept him through the night. He saw the morning’s light
And God was honored ‘cause He brought Daniel through.

Elijah stood for God before Baal’s men.
God proved Himself the Lord by fire then.
Baal’s prophets did scream and shout
But Elijah’s prayer brought God out.
When God’s fire fell, to Him their hearts were turned.

(Daniel 3, Daniel 6, and I Kings 18)

Nov. 13, 1988 12:25 a.m.

Years ago, I wrote this when I first discovered a suspicious lump….scary, but turned out OK. Other lumps have not been OK. First Inflammatory Breast Cancer, and now bladder cancer. It seems like a small thing, this little problem, when the world is on fire and innocent people are being slaughtered in so many places – Gaza, Burma, Congo, Ukraine and many more…. It all seems kind of flowery and theoretical to say “God is with you” to someone who just had their family crushed under a falling building…I can’t figure that out. How God is good and the world is SOOO bad in places.

In the breaking….

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His body, broken for us
Bread of life broken and shared
His presence recognized in the breaking,

The fruit of the vine-
Crushed, fermented, shared-
His blood, his Life!

The last will be first,
The greatest, a child.
Our king is a servant.

We wanted a superhero-
He came as a child-
Vulnerable, human like us.
He knows.

(Communion isn’t about out wholeness and perfection and glitzy spiritual pizzazz…brokenness is recognized….Jesus, human and perfect….us, human and messy. I read somewhere that communion is the great equalizer – we ALL come to the foot of the cross – people all over the world,, and acknowledge our need for a God who knows what it’s like to have become human.)

God, I’m trying to be reasonable, but….!

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A thief has come creeping in the silence of night
To steal serenity, vitality and maybe my life.
I thought I could deal with this new situation
But my mind is imploding with great consternation.

He wasn’t invited, he has no real claim
So I’ll try asking him to leave in Jesus name.
I’ve met his cousin years ago – his name – breast cancer
But chemo and grace made him go.

I know I’m not righteous, that I don’t deserve
God’s blessing, protection, or any good thing
But I’ve come to trust that He’s good and kind-
(Until Job, world news and genocide come to mind).

Job didn’t deserve it, but he lost everything
Because God and the Liar played a game.
Job and his family suffered for a challenge from evil?
Is God really good? The world doesn’t look the same.
I believe, help my unbelief.

Porpoise Without A Purpose

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Wild fish, swimming freely, gracefully, quickly…
Unrestrained by civilization’s rules and expectations…
Time suspended…in his element.
Free to swim, free to jump, free to glide –
Free to experience life on the wild ocean.
No farm raised fish, not this one!
No carefully domesticated trained seal.
This one is made of frontier material –
Made for up where the northern lights shine,
The air is pure, the salmon abundant
And life is not in a cage.
How to revert to the wild?
How to become himself again?
God, give him direction.
You know.

Teresa Norman July 2007

Making Peace with My Body

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My disordered, divergent mind
Has been calmed, restored and refined
But to live in my body is new
I have not really liked this view
The temple God filled with his grace
Was abused and degraded, defaced
The next thing on the list of to do’s
Is to learn to love it like You do
To give it the sleep that it needs
To give food that is fuel to live free
Father, forgive what I’ve done
Help me honor you, live in your love

April 2023

Wind from Heaven

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Lord, we are scattered, tribal and confused
We shout aloud and louder trying to be heard
It’s as if we are speaking a different language
And no one is listening -we wound each other…
It bears no good fruit. We wonder what went wrong –
Why can’t the “other guy” just know we are right….

But your Word gives us hope –
At Pentecost, you sent your spirit
Those gathered heard a loud noise, like a wind from heaven.
Tongues of fire rested on their heads
You touched them and then
They spoke language your spirit gave-
Language understood by those gathered from every nation…
The people marveled that they could understand

Our words, our actions, our Christian cultural thing –
It’s so foreign to so many…are they “lost” or are we?
People of every nation listened to the words of God
In language they could understand because the Spirit came…
God, breathe on us,
Wind from heaven
Fill our mouths with words
that will be understood by those who listen…
Pour out your spirit on every nation
Help your sons and daughters speak your word…
Breathe on us, wind from heaven.

Give us strength to walk the good road with you
Release us from our broken, twisted ways.
Give us humility to learn from and hear one another.
To see the beauty in the variety of humans you have made.
Together we meet at the foot of your cross
Together we take the bread and wine and remember who you are
Why you came…we remember you.

Teresa Norman 6/7/2022

Lament for the Lonely

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She sits hidden in the darkness
Of her well-appointed home
The Lies she has believed
Make her heart feel like a tomb
She says she’s not a “victim”
That her mind is “doing fine”
But hates all those around her –
Says they’re hateful and unkind.

God, can’t you feel the anguish
As her children hear her rage,
As they try to bear the burden
Of making their mom “OK”?
Oh God, where is your comfort?
Why do you seem so far away?
Are you on vacation?
Is there nothing You can say?

You are the loving Savior,
Redeemer, Sustainer, Friend
Who died to free the captives;
Be the light that brings life again
Please free this lonely captive
From the Liar’s choking vines
She is drowning in the darkness –
Let her breathe in Your Light again.

March 15,2022

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(Haven’t been writing for a while….I know the world right now is so FULL of incomprehensible trauma, and war and war crimes and racism and power-grabbing, life crushing, country destroying evil and sadness, but last week the sadness and pain of one young woman I carry about was where my heart was most focused.) Nobody deserves the crap going on in Ukraine.